Life Decisions

I haven't really blogged that much about being a military wife or even being in the military with Jake. It seems strange but I actually do not even feel like we are in the military. I wake up each morning on a military base and can hear the men run while calling cadence; I hear taps being played each night right behind our house in remembrance of the fallen hereos; I have said goodbye countless of times; I have gone through a deployment; I never see my family and on top of all of that, this has been going on for about 3 years! For some reason, I just don't really feel all patriotic and 'militarized.' I am proud of my husband and really think everyone should realize the sacrifices being made DAILY but I don't really know what it means to have the military feelings? This past year, all we could talk about was putting in for early out. This means instead of getting out next August 10th, Jake would get out in April. We would move home and start a new life. We would see our families, get jobs, get a dog, have babies, and live happily ever after in Greenwood where our kids will have their names engraved in the highschool sidewalk; where we rejoin FBC and be surrounded by amazing people, SEE MY SARAH WHENEVER I WANT, and all the other happy moments that accompany Greenwood.
But...
What if we rejoin? WHAT! Earlier this week, Jake and I talked about him attending OU and going for his Bachelor of Science degree and majoring in Air Traffic Control. His GI Bill and Post 9/11 would pay for everything, and after 4 years, he would have a gaurenteed job from the FAA academy. This sounds doable and great. So when Jake goes and talks to his section's career planner about this plan yesterday, the man asks him if he was interested in Air Traffic Control, why not re-inlist and move his MOS to ATC within the Marine Corps? Jake answers, "Because how do I know they won't just put me back into Artillery after I re-inlist?" GOOD QUESTION! The man says he isn't a recruiter or anything but Jake should look into it. He said that ATC his loosing more men than they are gaining and is hurting for men to have that MOS. So, the career planner says that he has a good ASVAB score and needs to raise it by just 10 more points to be able to put in a package for that MOS. Also, the reinlistment bonus is somewhere around $43,000 for ATC! BUT...another 4 years of moving around, no family, no plan, no home?
I am just writing out my feelings and really don't know what this blog post sounds like up to this point. The benefits of the military are AMAZING! Not to mention, I wouldn't have to work and be spoiled rotten for another 4 years and to be honest with you, if I knew he would be able to get into that MOS I would be fully supportive. However, they pull this type of crap where you apply for one thing, and then place you where THEY need you, not where you necessarily signed up for. I mean, that is what happened to Jake 3 years ago. That scares me. Today Jake told me that if he didn't get that MOS he would have 10-20 days to figure out whether or not he would want to stay in or not. That made me feel better.
I know we have another year until we have to have something for sure decided but hearing the news and where are government and society is today is just scary.
Another aspect (completley off the wall) is what if this is our mission field? whew...I am reading about Silas, Paul, and Timothy and them traveling wherever the Lord led them without hesitation and with hardly any materialistic means, just faith. I hope to give my entire self to the Lord and pray for His guidance. This is an emotional rollercoaster that is just starting.
My husband is a great man. He is a great provider and wonderful everything. I want to write that I am this great supportive wife and will follow him to the end of the earth. BUT, my heart is hardening toward the military with every negative 'thing' that enters into our lives and another term might just break me.
But what if that is what God wants?
I wouldn't have the 'normal' securities of what I wrote about earlier but would have to know a new life.