So last night I was the only one to go to my bookclub again but sometimes I really enjoy that. We sat and enjoyed a nice cup of tea and just talked about military life and how God uses each one differently. I love the fact that Veronica gives me sound, biblical reason and scripture that helps me weekly. She really helped me understand peace better. Throughout this decision making process Jake and I are experiencing, I sit and wait for this enveloping peace to surrond me at any moment, thinking then we can move on because we are at complete peace. I've been waiting for ..awhile.. now. I'm not going to sit and say that peace hasn't come. It has in a manner. I'm at peace with my relationship with Jake. I love him and I have loved learning to be his help mate. Jake and I are closer that we have ever been and it is because God brought us to this tiny island to learn what it means to become one. I am finally at peace with living here. I was talking to amanda last night and I told her that it doesn't 'feel' like I live here, it just feels like and extended vacation. I have peace that God will guide us each step of the way if we walk by His holy lantern and not our blind selves. I have peace that God is continually molding me to become His daughter. I have peace that whatever happens God will and promises to answer us..whether my whispers or a Holy storm.
As I was driving across the harbor to Ford Island, the sun was setting and I was actually driving our big Chevy by myself. I looked at all the ships lighting up the harbor and at the memorials and thought, "Do I actually LIVE here?" I mean, how many people get to look at this harbor and see this just on the way to a book club? Have you seen pictures of this place and the atmosphere it brings with it? I mean...it literally takes your breath away. I then proceeded to go park next to the sunken USS Missouri. I just sat in the truck and listened to some country song ( I tend to do this NOT because I actually like country, but because it makes me think I am in the South again) and wanted to just cry. I am blessed. Last Monday on my way to Pearl Harbor, I counted 20+ waterfalls falling inbetween the huge crevices along the highway. EVERYWHERE!
Veronica said that peace does not have to be just an overwhelming factor in decision making. She said that faith is needed before sight. I knew this but I was just thinking that peace will follow, which she said it will. She said to look at each incidence and see where God's hand was leading up to our decision and if that procession is still leading to where we believe God is taking us. We truly feel like each step of the way is taking us closer to this next destination. Jake and I both have passions. His are more noticeable then mine I think. He has a passion to give back to this nation or to it's people. He always has. I on the other hand do not have that passion; but, I think my passions complement Jake's and in the long run, that could help us in ministry. But for now, we can't just jump into something but sit back and listen to where the Holy Spirit is guiding us. Peace can be given to pass all of our understanding WHEN WE ASK AND BELIEVE. However, Faith has to be put in that equation.
We serve such a powerful God and I never want to make Him smaller than my fears. Jake and I were created for a purpose. We are still here aren't we?
In the mean time, I will enjoy these Hawaiin beaches as long as I can and look forward to the one on one time I have with my Jake each day.